Still Amused and Confused in China

Here are some amusements I haven't shared with you yet (I hope):



Slow internet sometimes results in China and Michigan being close neighbors.




Using a VPN on Chinese internet (I think that's the reason) means that I keep getting errors on Chrome saying, "Your browser is not supported. Please download a modern browser, like Chrome."





I've noticed that a lot of online Chinese shops like the newspaper look, but I don't think they realize what the words say. Like this example: "MALPRACTICE? Alexis Will holds Noah, 4—a baby when his dad died—with Hannah, 5. She intends to go to court over a 1950 ruling giving military hospitals immunity."




Apparently there's a brand of eyewear called "Helen Keller." I don't know how I feel about that.




Is this Shanghai McDonald's the smallest McDonald's ever?




It's that season again. Men are airing out their bellies while women sweat.




Either the table's too tall or this booth was built for aliens with very long torsos.




A bunch of Michael's classmates had colorful suits made. He said they look like Power Rangers.




I was shocked to find that this squat toilet has the "American Standard" brand on it. Shame on them. Squatters are not (or shouldn't be) American standard at all. Also, this is proof that squatters are lame because women clearly can't aim.




Now who would have gone and edited the sign put up on the kitchen door, I wonder?




I haven't dared to take a picture of babies' bum slits here, but Pamela McDaniel did. (Thanks!)




We went and learned to make jiaozi at a restaurant and then ordered some other food. For some reason, this picture of breastfeeding was in the menu.




$10 for pie filling. Wow.




This poster showed up in our hotel's elevator. Apparently all the construction noise we heard for months at the hotel was to make a floor of rooms way nicer than ours. Thanks a lot.




Why don't you just swing down to the convenience store for some fish ball skewers and corn on the cob? They keep them by the milk.




Sorry to gross you out. Apparently in China this is what a toilet looks like that is "cleaned weekly." After several weeks, I had to take a picture to prove to the residence ops team that the toilet really wasn't getting cleaned. I told them I'd do it myself if they'd just provide the tools and cleaner, but apparently that would be more difficult than them training a new ayi/cleaning lady (heh)?




And this fridge is cleaned every other week. Uh huh.




Hmm, what do you want tonight? Malaysian, Mediterranean, Mexican, Turkish . . . or rotisserie chicken?




This bag of perhaps two and a half chips came with a meal we got.




The first time I was ever tempted to buy a rice cooker, and all because it was mini and a cute color.




We followed this lady around Walmart because she reminded us of Michael's mom.




Nothing but scarves—that's one way to get people's interest.




This Asian guy reminded me of Bill Murray, and this valentine is my favorite, sent by my sister Sica.




Also, this "Five Dollar Bill Murray" that someone posted on Facebook.




Asian James Earl Jones look-alike—or is it just the hat?




Pig snouts.




Messages from complete strangers on WeChat.




Entire dead ducks, dried entrails and all.




Hey! That's not McDonald's!




Why get a dumpster for construction when you have a roof?




Introducing Tomid Lobang, Tommy Hilfiger's less-famous brother.




I was surprised when we went to Beijing, because in Shanghai. The "security check" at the metro is completely worthless. The security guards have no power, apparently, and everyone knows it, so despite the person standing there telling everyone to put their stuff into the machine, no one actually does it! They just keep walking. I feel guilty about doing that, and bad for the person paid to feel powerless, so I usually just keep my backpack on my front and unzip the main pocket for them to take a peek into.




This is the crowded Shanghai metro station. Despite arrows on the floor directing incoming passengers to board from the sides, people push straight in from the middle and sometimes trap de-boarding passengers inside because they won't let them out first. Also, people run for the seats and wouldn't give up a place if a boneless, elderly, pregnant, crying person boarded. Talking loudly, watching shows, and playing games with annoying sound effects on your phone without any headphones is completely normal.




This is Michael making the face everyone else wants to make on a crowded Shanghai metro. Sometimes there's nothing to hold onto and you have to rely on being smashed in there to keep you from falling over. Sometimes your face is in someone's armpit. Sometimes people lean on a pole that could otherwise allow five or six people to hold on. Sometimes people lean on the pole while you're holding it and smash your fingers and they don't care. Metros, ick.




I was pretty close to updating my shoe wardrobe when I saw the price of these boots. The same boots on the American version of the Aldo website were half the price. It turns out there's a dang luxury tax on foreign brands.




To my sisters and mom: look familiar? We had this same piece of furniture in our downstairs bathroom, methinks.




Look what I found on the Great Wall of China—Utah!




How many chairs can you fit on a one-person vehicle?




Tree architecture.




Horrible picture, sorry. Bird nests or food?




Every time I have to get groceries, I also have to resist this jacket. It's not pricey, I just don't need any more jackets. But it's so cute!




Also at the store. I'm not sure what's going on here. Is this the new summer genie look?




Michael ordered me some hot chocolate for my birthday. One came upside-down.




I had to get my MacBook worked on, and this display at the Mac Store reminded me of Sunnyvale. Maybe that's even James and Paul on Tangerine.




The Chinese electrical outlets seem confused to me. Seems like someone just needs to pick one pattern and stick with it.




When you live in a hotel and have nowhere to put your clothes, suitcases in the bathtub work as dressers.




Some unidentified student likes to leave the stove in this state after cooking rice. Gah.




One morning, after a fun-filled, reflux-y night, my tongue was black. I googled it and it turns out that vomiting after taking Pepto Bismol can turn your tongue black because the active ingredient (bismuth subsalicylate) reacts to the stomach acid.




Michael sent me this picture and I made him an anti-pollution campaign poster.




When Hult students were registering for their next campuses, the system crashed, and people started making hilarious memes about the experience. This is mine. There was also one of grumpy cat that said, "Shanghai Rotation Party: We forgot to invite Grid [the registration system]." And the most interesting man in the world said, "I don't always log into Grid, but when I do, it still fails." Ha ha ha.




Egg yolk: the new gold.




I bought Michael a banana slicer for his birthday. We joked that we'd never find a banana big enough to fill the whole thing, and then we found this one that got pretty close.




I can't help laughing at the strategically-placed head in this mummification drawing.




Make sure to lock up your mini cars.




Accidental-but-awesome picture of me in Beijing.




Camouflage building in Shanghai.




Our friend Gunjan created this gorgeous flower and candle display for Diwali. Even after signs were put on either side of the display, we watched in horror as several people who had the exact view of this photo walked straight to the desk from the elevator, right over and through the flowers, smashing many of them and kicking others out of place. I still don't understand how you can miss something like that!




The ayis and a student residence employee decided to put signs on everyone's doors for the Chinese New Year. I couldn't help but laugh every time I saw that somehow they'd mistaken our neighbor Giorgia's name for "Clorg."