06 May 2014

Still Amused and Confused in China

Here are some amusements I haven't shared with you yet (I hope):

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Slow internet sometimes results in China and Michigan being close neighbors.

Google Chrome Doesn't Support Chrome photo ScreenShot2014-04-04at52832PM_zps23c5b850.png
Using a VPN on Chinese internet (I think that's the reason) means that I keep getting errors on Chrome saying, "Your browser is not supported. Please download a modern browser, like Chrome."

Trendy News Backgrounds photo ScreenShot2013-12-14at32003PM_zps0e5544d7.png
I've noticed that a lot of online Chinese shops like the newspaper look, but I don't think they realize what the words say. Like this example: "MALPRACTICE? Alexis Will holds Noah, 4—a baby when his dad died—with Hannah, 5. She intends to go to court over a 1950 ruling giving military hospitals immunity."

Helen Keller Brand Glasses photo ScreenShot2014-03-17at31510PM_zps99e83528.png
Apparently there's a brand of eyewear called "Helen Keller." I don't know how I feel about that.

Small McDonald's photo IMG_2622_zps8dc34877.jpg
Is this Shanghai McDonald's the smallest McDonald's ever?

Air Out That Belly photo IMG_3324_zps5e6e3e3f.jpg
It's that season again. Men are airing out their bellies while women sweat.

Tall Table photo IMG_2511_zps50a574c1.jpg
Either the table's too tall or this booth was built for aliens with very long torsos.

Power Ranger Hult Guys photo IMG_6608_zpsf8a8e137.jpg
A bunch of Michael's classmates had colorful suits made. He said they look like Power Rangers.

American Standard Squat Toilet?! photo 2014-05-04214402_zps6a27d7a4.jpg
I was shocked to find that this squat toilet has the "American Standard" brand on it. Shame on them. Squatters are not (or shouldn't be) American standard at all. Also, this is proof that squatters are lame because women clearly can't aim.

Edits photo 2014-01-25160607_zps94bfa44a.jpg
Now who would have gone and edited the sign put up on the kitchen door, I wonder?

Bum Slit photo Chinese_kid_bum_zpsfbe581b2.jpg
I haven't dared to take a picture of babies' bum slits here, but Pamela McDaniel did. (Thanks!)

Breastfeeding in the Menu photo 2014-01-20162302_zps23185c9b.jpg
We went and learned to make jiaozi at a restaurant and then ordered some other food. For some reason, this picture of breastfeeding was in the menu.

$10 for Pie Filling photo 2014-01-22171013_zpsabd7cda7.jpg
$10 for pie filling. Wow.

Nicer Rooms photo 2014-01-12232117_zpsa39a3bc5.jpg
This poster showed up in our hotel's elevator. Apparently all the construction noise we heard for months at the hotel was to make a floor of rooms way nicer than ours. Thanks a lot.

Corn on the Cob photo 2014-01-17224916_zps429b3ed9.jpg
Why don't you just swing down to the convenience store for some fish ball skewers and corn on the cob? They keep them by the milk.

Chinese Cleaning photo 2013-12-17162021_zps4c1afce5.jpg
Sorry to gross you out. Apparently in China this is what a toilet looks like that is "cleaned weekly." After several weeks, I had to take a picture to prove to the residence ops team that the toilet really wasn't getting cleaned. I told them I'd do it myself if they'd just provide the tools and cleaner, but apparently that would be more difficult than them training a new ayi/cleaning lady (heh)?

This fridge is cleaned out every two weeks, not photo 2014-04-02124212_zps564897ee.jpg
And this fridge is cleaned every other week. Uh huh.

Cuisines photo 2013-10-31151202_zps6a12ab0a.jpg
Hmm, what do you want tonight? Malaysian, Mediterranean, Mexican, Turkish . . . or rotisserie chicken?

 photo 2013-11-25170823_zps4b4e9b13.jpg
This bag of perhaps two and a half chips came with a meal we got.

Cute Rice Pot photo 2013-10-27180235_zps9412f381.jpg
The first time I was ever tempted to buy a rice cooker, and all because it was mini and a cute color.

Michael's Mom's Look-Alike photo 2013-10-27181253_zps5e15dadb.jpg
We followed this lady around Walmart because she reminded us of Michael's mom.

Nothing But Scarves photo 2013-10-27144743_zps9a503e28.jpg
Nothing but scarves—that's one way to get people's interest.

Asian Bill Murray photo AsianBillMurray_zps8686c6cf.jpeg
This Asian guy reminded me of Bill Murray, and this valentine is my favorite, sent by my sister Sica.

Bill Murray Dollar Bill photo 1920539_700013680050586_204673050_n_zpsf684b4e7.jpg
Also, this "Five Dollar Bill Murray" that someone posted on Facebook.

Asian James Earl Jones photo AsianJamesEarlJones_zpsbc0b0e67.jpeg
Asian James Earl Jones look-alike—or is it just the hat?

Pig Snouts photo 2013-10-27174326_zpsb4065472.jpg
Pig snouts.

Greetings From Strangers photo 2013-10-28073825_zps25e0c593.png
Messages from complete strangers on WeChat.

Duck Heads photo 2013-10-27173711_zps82fc7efa.jpg
Entire dead ducks, dried entrails and all.

Fake McDonald's photo 2013-10-06112616_zpsb74424e7.jpg
Hey! That's not McDonald's!

Trash Disposal photo 2013-10-24165346_zps01d99b7f.jpg
Why get a dumpster for construction when you have a roof?

Fake Tommy Hilfiger photo 2013-09-26162544_zps05cac7f8.jpg
Introducing Tomid Lobang, Tommy Hilfiger's less-famous brother.

Powerless Metro Security Inspections photo 2013-09-04131901_zps64a79da3.jpg
I was surprised when we went to Beijing, because in Shanghai. The "security check" at the metro is completely worthless. The security guards have no power, apparently, and everyone knows it, so despite the person standing there telling everyone to put their stuff into the machine, no one actually does it! They just keep walking. I feel guilty about doing that, and bad for the person paid to feel powerless, so I usually just keep my backpack on my front and unzip the main pocket for them to take a peek into.

Shanghai Crowds at the Metro photo 2013-09-04182347_zpsd2e380d6.jpg
This is the crowded Shanghai metro station. Despite arrows on the floor directing incoming passengers to board from the sides, people push straight in from the middle and sometimes trap de-boarding passengers inside because they won't let them out first. Also, people run for the seats and wouldn't give up a place if a boneless, elderly, pregnant, crying person boarded. Talking loudly, watching shows, and playing games with annoying sound effects on your phone without any headphones is completely normal.

Michael Squished in the Shanghai Metro photo 1adda5f9a955542bccd875b8a01828a0_zpsef334fd2.jpg
This is Michael making the face everyone else wants to make on a crowded Shanghai metro. Sometimes there's nothing to hold onto and you have to rely on being smashed in there to keep you from falling over. Sometimes your face is in someone's armpit. Sometimes people lean on a pole that could otherwise allow five or six people to hold on. Sometimes people lean on the pole while you're holding it and smash your fingers and they don't care. Metros, ick.

Chinese Luxury Tax Doubles Price of Aldo Boots photo 2013-12-12122436_zps61255d13.jpg
I was pretty close to updating my shoe wardrobe when I saw the price of these boots. The same boots on the American version of the Aldo website were half the price. It turns out there's a dang luxury tax on foreign brands.

Familiar Furniture photo 2014-05-06220640_zpsc069a991.jpg
To my sisters and mom: look familiar? We had this same piece of furniture in our downstairs bathroom, methinks.

Utah on the Great Wall of China photo 2014-03-08072610_zps56f49620.jpg
Look what I found on the Great Wall of China—Utah!

A Plethora of Chairs on a Scooter photo 2014-04-24125344_zps693961f7.jpg
How many chairs can you fit on a one-person vehicle?

Tree Architecture photo 2014-02-26142713_zps08c67066.jpg
Tree architecture.

Birds Nests photo 2014-02-26110121_zps34e5a725.jpg
Horrible picture, sorry. Bird nests or food?

I Must Resist This Jacket Every Shopping Trip photo 2014-04-17082600_zpsbf81ac9b.jpg

Every time I have to get groceries, I also have to resist this jacket. It's not pricey, I just don't need any more jackets. But it's so cute!

Genie? photo 2014-02-26105535_zps1ded4f02.jpg
Also at the store. I'm not sure what's going on here. Is this the new summer genie look?

Upside-Down Swiss Miss photo 2014-02-15175120_zpsfa13a3a5.jpg
Michael ordered me some hot chocolate for my birthday. One came upside-down.

Looks Like Sunnyvale photo 2014-02-15150100_zpsda55b4bd.jpg
I had to get my MacBook worked on, and this display at the Mac Store reminded me of Sunnyvale. Maybe that's even James and Paul on Tangerine.

Confusing Chinese Electrical Outlets photo 2013-09-03160113_zpsfd68e637.jpg
The Chinese electrical outlets seem confused to me. Seems like someone just needs to pick one pattern and stick with it.

Bathtub Storage photo 2013-10-24100416_zps800b9645.jpg
When you live in a hotel and have nowhere to put your clothes, suitcases in the bathtub work as dressers.

Stove After Cooking Rice photo 2013-11-12075100_zps4fbce5ee.jpg
Some unidentified student likes to leave the stove in this state after cooking rice. Gah.

Black Tongue After Pepto Bismol photo 2013-11-09093923_zps34b075a3.jpg
One morning, after a fun-filled, reflux-y night, my tongue was black. I googled it and it turns out that vomiting after taking Pepto Bismol can turn your tongue black because the active ingredient (bismuth subsalicylate) reacts to the stomach acid.

Anti-Pollution Campaign photo imageedit_1_4276884377_zps36338623.gif
Michael sent me this picture and I made him an anti-pollution campaign poster.

Ha ha ha photo 46084227_zps3b053ba1.jpg
When Hult students were registering for their next campuses, the system crashed, and people started making hilarious memes about the experience. This is mine. There was also one of grumpy cat that said, "Shanghai Rotation Party: We forgot to invite Grid [the registration system]." And the most interesting man in the world said, "I don't always log into Grid, but when I do, it still fails." Ha ha ha.

The New Gold photo 2014-04-14102757_zpsfce108f4.jpg
Egg yolk: the new gold.

Michael's Banana Slicer photo 2014-04-07102852_zpse6600f10.jpg
I bought Michael a banana slicer for his birthday. We joked that we'd never find a banana big enough to fill the whole thing, and then we found this one that got pretty close.

Mummification Drawing with Strategically-Placed Head photo 2014-03-06071412_zpsbfa7d10c.jpg
I can't help laughing at the strategically-placed head in this mummification drawing.

Very Secure Small Car photo 2014-03-06095734_zpse00ebfa5.jpg
Make sure to lock up your mini cars.

Great Picture of Me photo 2014-03-06091508_zps3fe6f048.jpg
Accidental-but-awesome picture of me in Beijing.

Camouflage Building photo 2014-02-26163452_zpse58a4f8b.jpg
Camouflage building in Shanghai.

Diwali Flowers photo 2013-11-11100232_zps4635830b.jpg
Our friend Gunjan created this gorgeous flower and candle display for Diwali. Even after signs were put on either side of the display, we watched in horror as several people who had the exact view of this photo walked straight to the desk from the elevator, right over and through the flowers, smashing many of them and kicking others out of place. I still don't understand how you can miss something like that!

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The ayis and a student residence employee decided to put signs on everyone's doors for the Chinese New Year. I couldn't help but laugh every time I saw that somehow they'd mistaken our neighbor Giorgia's name for "Clorg."


  1. Okay, I suppose I want to be honest more than my fear of sounding uneducated or racist, but China kind of scares me! A teacher left my school and went to teach in China and had all kinds of horror stories about cleanliness, food and poor manners.

  2. Could just be that's it's 2 AM, but I laughed to tears on some of these.