The Saga of Salad

On my shopping list yesterday:

potatoes (my food staple)
raisins (okay with chocolate or oatmeal)
eggs (don't like)
some kind of leafy green vegetables (all four are good for getting more iron)

and
milk (so I can make skidavers/crepes with the eggs)

After searching for a while, I realized why I don't eat leafy green vegetables often enough. I don't like them. I couldn't find a single leafy green vegetable that inspired me to think, "Oh, it would be okay if I prepared it like that." On the contrary, I was repulsed by all of them.

I finally decided that the cheapest one would be best because there had to be some way to cover it in sauce. I ended up with an enormous bag of spinach. Now, in case you don't know my opinion on salad/lettuce/whatever you health buggers want to call it, I don't understand it. I just can't fathom why someone would pick a bunch of leaves off a tree (okay, so it's not a tree) and decide to eat them. For some reason this thought doesn't bother me with potatoes or apples or other things. I guess because they don't taste like that smell milkweed gives off when your mom makes you go weed the garden and you end up using the hoe to chop at all the weeds.

Anyway, I got home with my bag of spinach and set it on the counter. I stared at it for a moment. I was drawing blanks. I had absolutely no idea what people did with salad. My first inkling was to cook it with my potatoes, but then I thought it might just be floppy and even nastier. Finally, I said, "Well, maybe something we have here could make it taste good cover the taste." I dumped some balsamic something or other on it and then some caraway seeds--they smelled salad-y.

My first bite. My first thought: "This tastes like dirt." My second thought: "Is salad one of those things people wash before they eat, like grapes?"

I washed the salad/spinach/whatever.

I put some more balsamic stuff and seeds on. My first bite. My first thought: "Ew!!! These seeds taste like black licorice!"

I washed the salad/spinach/whatever.

I put some more balsamic stuff on, hold the seeds. My first bite. I chewed for a minute. Then I spit it out on my plate, all chewed up.

I washed the salad/spinach/whatever down the sink.

Now what do I do with this enormous bag of salad/spinach/whatever?