Chicken Time

Sorry, I just had to put this somewhere. You can tell it comes from Uncle Rick because of some of the totally Republican-sided views. However, look forward to the one about the peanut butter cups . . .

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the
problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of
the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on
his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems of roads.

OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this
road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls,which is
a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car and a driver ...so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken
is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no
middle ground here...

DONALD RUMSFELD:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing
the road.

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong
road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will
remain against it.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have
access to the other side of the road.

JUDGE JUDY:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way
he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at
the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the
road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The
chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side. Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes
with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross
the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first
time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and
went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2006,which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of
eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C \..... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?