19 December 2007

Am I Smart Enough?

I remember talking to my sister Amy several years ago. She told me about how when she was doing her Master's, she would feel overwhelmed, like she wasn't smart enough to get a Master's. She had told her boyfriend at the time (who we all adored and still do) about how she felt, and he had said, "Plenty of dumb people get Master's degrees, you're totally smart enough." (Or something like that.)

I think I'm one of those dumb people. Oftentimes during class I suddenly realize that I have no idea what is being talking about. I've done the reading, I've taken good notes, and here I am sitting in a class where they may as well be talking in Farsi. Several of my professors leave me in awe consistently. I get the feeling that their brains are more aware of things than mine is.

I want to be one of these professors some day, but how is that supposed to happen? Plus, how can I be one of those professors who can make scholarly ideas more accessible?

How come I didn't find something I was really good at and study that? Am I really good at anything, or am I just doomed to be Mediocre Michelle?

Then again, I know that I'm supposed to be here. And as my friend reminded me this week, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

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