04 November 2006

Lousy is a Good Word to Describe . . .

Bah! This week has been lousy!!! On Sunday night, I got this feeling that it was going to be a tough one, but I had no idea how tough.

Insurance issue


Zone Leader

Attacking of Wil

Elder and Sister Williams gone!

Blackberry/forwarding email situation

Life decisions


Break up with Scott, a fine man and my best friend

Good: delegating team responsibilities

I realize that my mistake yesterday was probably the biggest, most stupid decision I've made in a long time. The dumb thing is, I just wanted Wil to know how she felt. I want her to be able to tell me when she has a problem with something, so I can help her. It blew up in my face, though, and now I've lost trust. Anyway, I hope that I can win back everyone's trust. I feel like such a failure. I've been working so hard to make things better, especially my leadership qualities (or lack thereof), but I lost it all this week. This has probably been one of the most lousy weeks of my life, and THEN I did that. Pshaw. Next week will be better. Thanks for the kind email, please stick up for me and don't let everyone know how stupid I've been! I promise to do better.

'm sorry that I intimidate people. I try so hard to get them to be open with me. I'm not sure what they're afraid of. I know that I sometimes say something the opposite of their point as a reply, but that's not because I didn't like their idea or that I'm not considering it. It's because I like to mull over all the possibilities.
I am definitely moving toward letting people help me more, as you can tell by the chart we did this week where all of the Operations team's responsibilities were split up. It's hard for me to let a lot of those things go, but I just can't handle them all, and there's no point in those positions if they have nothing to do. If people don't have enough to do now . . .
I think when people want to vent, I will ask them if they want me to bring it up with Wil. That way, it can go whichever way they want. How does that sound?
Yes, this week has been crummy: problems at work, insurance problems, dating problems, life decision problems, losing Elder and Sister Williams, mom problems, and, of course, the infamous stupid decision, etc. Next week will be better.


  1. Holy smokes! You've got lots of tough things on your plate. I was talking to my good friend about life the other day and she says she wants to write a book about women who have recently graduated from college. She says it's the trickiest time of life. So many decisions. Her idea is a compilation, actually, of women's stories from that period of time.

    I could write an essay for the book. The year I graduated from college, my best friend died, I ended two intensely meaningful relationship, I had to hire and fire several employees while working for a less-than-helpful boss, and decide about and apply for grad school. Rough times. Sounds silly, but yoga was the thing that got me through. I realize it sounds better to say that the gospel was the key thing, but that was already pretty ingrained in my life, and I needed serious mental and emotional help. Yoga was an unlikely answer to prayers I didn't even know I was saying. But now I'm sounding ridiculous, so I'll stop.

  2. Oh yeah, the moral of the story is that I'm sympathetic. Good luck. I'll pray for you. And I'm jealous about the LASIK.

  3. I was looking for another website when I saw this one. Very insightful. One line struck me that I thought was profound - it was: "I'm sorry that I intimidate people. I try so hard to get them to be open with me." The word people could have been changed to Michelle and the word them to her and it would have expressed my feelings exactly. I wish so badly that you felt like you could be open with me and feel so sad that I can only get tidbits from a blog. I really hope we can make things better because I really do love you more than you'll ever know.