Scriptures and Ungratefulness

That scripture bag project I did a while ago made me reflect on how, when I was possibly 10 or so, I begged and begged my mom to make a scripture bag for me because I thought my sister's was so great. Then one day, I saw a plastic bag sitting on one of the bar stools and opened it up to find a turquoise pleather scripture bag with my name and some flowers that had been carefully added with paint markers by my mom.

I ran to my room and cried.

Before you start wondering how messed up I was, let me tell you instead how ungrateful I was. First of all, I was sad that my mom hadn't taken the time to make me a pretty bag but had bought one instead. Secondly, I hated leather (still do). Thirdly, I hated turquoise (still do). And lastly, she had written my name upside down.

I didn't tell her about my broken heart, and a few days later she presented me with the bag. I think she was surprised to learn that the "Michelle" was upside down, but as far as I can remember, that's all that happened between us. I used that bag anyway for a few years and then started just carrying my scriptures in my hand.

Oh, how I loved those scriptures! (Except for the gold-colored stenciling of my name. Can you say "picky"?) I always had my scriptures with me on Sundays and read during the week. I underlined every treasure I could find and wrote little life snippets in them as well as comments or questions I had about certain parts. Until I bought my German scriptures, I used those, so from age 8 to age 22. At one point (I think I was 18), my mom bought me some new scriptures for my birthday. And do you know what I did?

I cried. Because I was so attached to my old scriptures.

Wow. I don't consider myself a big crier. But just writing down these memories brings up two crying sessions and three selfishnesses. Sad.

I hope Liv didn't cry when she saw the scripture bag. As I was making it, I kind of thought of those old ladies in every ward who make something for every newly-baptized child or missionary and they're things that the old ladies think are great but no one else does. Who am I turning into?