Like a Banshee

After weighing several chaotic simile options (tornadoes, poltergeists, etc.) for the last few weeks, I think I have finally found the appropriate description of my nights: I sleep like a banshee. Now, I'm perfectly aware that I do not wail or warn others that someone is about to die as is typical of banshees. It's the drama that I'm trying to portray here.

I wake up constantly during the night, feeling uncomfortable, or pained, or thirsty or too hot, or too cold. I toss and turn. I spend thirty minutes trying to find some way to sleep that will hurt my neck and shoulder less than usual. I've tried no pillow, a blanket rolled under my neck and against the sides of my head, sleeping on my back (which has the tradeoff of my lower back hurting, too), using a rice bag that's been in the microwave for seven minutes, rubbing "Sports Pain Relief Cream" on my neck and shoulders, and all those things together.

On Sunday night, I spent twenty minutes in front of the medicine cabinet. Mom walked by and said, "Trying to find the right combination for tonight?" "I'm trying to decide how much I can abuse drugs. Is there anything guaranteed to knock me out for eight hours?" (Was I really justified in taking two Tylenol PM and two Benadryl instead of just one since the only symptom I had was itchy eyes? Two would be good for sleeping, but that's not the purpose . . . I've discovered since then that two dries me out so badly I keep waking up for drinks of water.)

When I wake up, my whole room is in disarray from pillows flying, bedspreads falling, and blankets getting flung. It's probably a good thing I don't share a bed or a room. I feel like I've been either run over by a train or like I've been fighting all night long.

By the time afternoon comes around, I am bushed and I can usually sleep really hard for two or three hours, but who has time for that every day? Scott tells me that President Bush brings his own down pillow with him wherever he goes, and that Da Vinci never really slept at night, he just took periodic naps.

I hope I figure something out. I am not one of those people who easily gives up sleep.