18 April 2007


My Google toolbar mood ring currently is black. It says, "Tense, stressed, working too hard." I may not be working too hard (I don't know enough to work the kind of hard that I like), but I feel like I'm working too hard in the wrong area. Here I am, trying to move on with my career, my life, and emotional damage done at the FHL, and somehow I got way off course. What am I doing? I left the FHL so I could move on, but I stepped back instead! I think what I need right now includes:

-random jobs that require no long commitment
-no more long bus rides
-family time
-plans outside of Utah
-reading and writing time

The reasons I'm having trouble just quitting are:

-I don't want to disappoint the guy (and his family) who gave it to me.
-I don't want to be a quitter.
-Amy's theory is that all jobs suck the first two weeks, so maybe I should just stick it out.
-It's only going to be a few weeks. I need to stop being a wuss.
-I would probably be mad if someone had done that to me after I got them a job.
-The employees there are really nice.
-I want to show the nice people at the company that I can do better than anyone previously in that position.
-Notes: if it were three years ago and the place was closer, I might be feeling better. The pay is good, but I don't like sales stuff.

But what if I miss all the things I need to really get myself back to . . . myself? What about all the time I'm spending walking to bus stops, waiting for buses, and riding buses? Could I be seeing my family and friends instead?


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